FREE ESSAY ON AN INTERVIEW WITH GOD

AN INTERVIEW WITH GOD

An Interview with GOD:
Inquirer: So... God... 
GOD: Yeeesss?
Inquirer: What exactly do you do?
GOD: Not a damn thing.. life is great.. i'm eternal.. i work 7 days.. and sit on my ass..
i mean come on.. as every day passes, I basicaly work less and less and get credit for
it.
Inquierer: Doesn't anyone seem to mind?
GOD: 95% of the world believes in god.. that other 5% can kiss my white ass.. 
Inquirer: Your white?
GOD: Um.. i didn't say that.. please take that part out.. don't want anyone to know about
the whole wizard-of-oz man-behind-the-curtain thing.. that would sorta ruin my
reputation.. 
Inquier: Sure. so... Appeared in any visions yet? Daytime television?
GOD: And leave my house? Are you insane? Its so comfy here... like a cloud.
Inquirer: um.. isn't this a -- ?
GOD: THOU SHALT NOT CONTRADICT THE ALMIGHTY--
Inquirer: um.. sure.. well.. whats your plans for the next few years?
GOD: Plague, a plague of tooth decay.. and lots of light. Shiney :-)
like And what about homosexuals?
.... THOU SHALT NOT ---
Your just a big homophobe
I what..?
You the eternal representation of homophobes everywhere, like.. love all and stuff, 
you know like.. 'THOU SHALT LOVE ALL' or something important 
THOU SHALT LOVE ALL BUT THINE OWN MAN'S ASS
you mean like.. donkeys? i can never tell with you
THOU SHALT NOT WITH DONKEYS
and espessialy snakes
AND ECPECIALY SNAKES!!
THOU SHALT--
could you like.. quiet down?
THOU SHALT--
God.. a little quieter.. come on.. people ar----
THOU SHALT NOT WITH DONKEYS
....
I'M DONE.. THANKS
okay.. just watch the caps lock... 
OH.. okay.. sorry.. is this better?
yes.. thanks god
so exactly how many prayers have you answered in your eternal lifetime.. ?
1.. 
and what was that?
well.. there was a prayer out there from someone
please continue... 
well.. 
yes?
i couldn't take missing caroline in the city.. so i kept it on for another season
ever indulge in any sins?
HELL NO
not even--?
THOU SHALT NOT ASK GOD QUE---
god.. the caps again
I'm sorry.. is that better? my imortal fingers sometimes slip off the 'a' key... 
i understand.. nobody's perfect
so have you ever indulged in any of those sins?
GOD DAMNIT I SAID NO
.... hmm.. come on big guy
well... there was this one time
NO I SAY, i 'm not talking about this.. not here.. not now
ya know.. if a man asks for your coat.. give him your shirt too
... who said that?
you did.. its in the bible.. 
I DID NOT.. .. nonsense.. who would want to be cold
...but
... this is my theory.. 
man who sins.. and gives up his coat to the devil. will burn and not need it
.... alot of good that does... 
 THOU SHALT NOT--
caps... 
again? sorry.. i really have to watch that.. its this new eurgonomic keyboard.. i just
got it
its okay... i understand
who in the hell made this thing.. its like some instrument of torture.. applied to the
buisness world
....satan?
nah.. we blame him for too much.. and he has the same moral values as me.. 
which is?
sit around and do nothing.. well.. blaming him has always worked before.. what the hell
something something... pennies from heaven
um god... 
something something.. humm humm.. pennies from heaven
STOP PLEASE
what?! what?! 
.... thats satans job
damn.. when we were casted for this job.. i chose the boring one.. satan has all the fun
casted? what do you mean like-- ?
um.. nevermind.. i've said too much.. take that out too
.... um.. sure your holiness
... did you see the matrix?
YES AND COMPLETELY UNTRUE
.. okay.. i belive you.. 
REALLY.. GIANT ROBOTS? USING HUMANS FOR FUEL? HAHAHA
no kidding.. who would believe that..?
yeah like.. some force out there greater than we know..
yeah.. what total bull*censored*
um.. ironic
what is?
that alanis morisette song.. i never really thought about the lyrics, i mean.. i'm god..
and i've sat around since the begining of forever.. knowing what would occur.. but i
never really thought about the lyrics
... hallulujah.. ?
THOU SHALT NOT MOCK YOUR MAKER
hey.. one that makes sense.. high 5!
...get off my cloud.. 
um.. sorry.. 
its like.. THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY WITH--- 
mmmm
WHAT?
oh nothin..
ahem.. THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY WITH--
hehe.. i'd burn in hell for that.. mmm 
what are you thinking about?
nothing god.. nothing
I AM ALL KNOWING AND ALL SEEING
 .. then i won't tell you
please... i was just kidding.. tell me
i won't bother you with pety human emotions
no come on.. tell me.. i would like to know
.... well i was just thinking.. ya know britany spears would--- 
THOU SHALT NOT DESIRE
damn that is getting old.. 
as i was saying
BRITANY SPEARS IS REALLY HOT
woah dude
YES.. even i god.. consider her to be one of -- 
god.. control yourself.. you don't wanna burn in hell some day
your absolutely right... that would look bad on my resume'