FREE ESSAY ON CONFLICT IN ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS

CONFLICT IN ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS

Eric Dunning
Soc. of the Family
Prof. Luxton
1.18.00
The Question of Spanking
Spanking a child is a controversial issue. On one side of the debate are people who
believe spanking is a necessary component of parenting. On the contrary are people who
think spanking a child is destructive. Somewhere in the middle are people who believe
spanking is legitimate only when used correctly. Part of the reason for the debate is
that some parents and experts define spanking differently. To some, spanking means
slapping a child on the rear-end, while others believe it is a form of corporal
punishment that does not cause injury. By showing how each perspective of spanking
supports their claim and defining spanking, one will be able to form an opinion. 
In order to conclude an argument, it is first necessary to define any vague or ambiguous
terms. Spanking is an unclear term in need of explanation. To some spanking means to slap
a child on the buttocks, while others believe it is a mild form of corporal punishment
that does not cause harm to the child. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) defines
spanking as one or two flat-handed swats on a child's wrist or rear end (Rosellini 52).
The New American Webster Handy College Dictionary also agrees with the AAP when defining
spanking as [to] strike with an open hand. Spanking does not infer a sustained whipping
from Dads belt, but a mild form of corporal punishment that does not cause injury.
Spanking is alive and well today despite the anti-spanking prohibition. In a poll
sponsored by Working Mother and the Epcot Center at Walt Disney World in Florida, 7,225
adults and 2,599 kids were surveyed (Hickey 48). When asked, When should parents spank
their children, 51 percent replied When they think it's necessary, 30 percent said Only
in extreme circumstances, and only ten percent answered Never(Hickey 48). Twelve percent
of young adults, ages 18 to 34, which responded to the poll, said spanking should not
occur; in comparison with the seven percent of both the 35-49 and 50-64 age groups which
responded Never (Hickey 48). The poll asked, Which of these is (or was) most often used
in your family to control children's behavior? As the prevalent choice, 37 percent
responded, Taking away privileges, 23 percent said spanking, 18 percent replied reasoning
with the child, four percent said bribes and three percent answered, assigning extra work
(Hickey 48).
A different study headed by Rebecca R. S. Socolar, a clinical assistant professor at the
University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, took a poll of 204 New York, NY mothers (Jet
15). The poll asked if a child less than one year old should be spanked. As a result, 81
percent of the mothers disagreed with spanking a child less than a year of age, and 19
percent believe a child under a year of age should be spanked (Jet 16). Then when asked
if a child of 1-3 years old should be spanked, 26 percent disagreed with spanking at that
age and an astounding 74 percent agreed with spanking a child of this age(Jet 16). When
asked about the harshness of the spanking, 92 percent said they do not leave visible
marks of damage while only eight percent say they do leave a mark upon the child (Jet
16). The results of both polls show consistent finding with the research of sociologist
Richard J. Gelles, PhD, and director of the Family Violence Research Program at the
University of Rhode Island. He Believes Hitting children is so taken for granted in out
society that almost all parent view spanking as an inevitable part of raising
children(Working Mother 48). He believes this ideology will remain apart of our culture
because it is infused within each of us since birth (Working Mother 48).
The American Academy of Pediatrics determined in a 1996 conference on corporal punishment
that spanking could prove useful if used as reinforcement of other disciplines (Rosellini
52). S. Kenneth Schonberg, a pediatrics professor who co-chaired the AAP conference said
There's no evidence that a child who is spanked moderately is going to grow up to be a
criminal or antisocial or violent (Rosellini 52).
Spanking continues to be a prevalent form of child rearing because parents believe it
will teach children not to do things that are forbidden, stop them quickly when they are
being irritating, and encourage them to do what they should (Ramsburg 1). Some parents
feel mental disciplines (i.e. time-outs) are not effective enough, while other parents
spank because it is a culturally ingrained practice (Ramsburg 1). 
The beginning of the antispanking movement had much to do with a new understanding of the
science of behavior and the rise of smaller families (Rosellini 52). In the years before,
families passed down the idea spare the rod, spoil the child which warranted the act of
spanking as a form of discipline (Rosellini 52). Then in the 1970s and 1980s psychologist
and child-development authorities promoted the radical notion that kids are equal members
of the household (Rosellini 53). This development, along with numerous publications, such
as Thomas Gordon's Parent Effectiveness Training, helped legitimize such ideas. 
The book Beating the Devil Out of Them, by Irwin A. Hyman and Murray A. Straus,
crystallized the antispanking general agreement. Straus, a sociologist at the University
of New Hampshire, gathered that spanking is a 'social problem' that can doom a child to a
lifetime of difficulties ranging from juvenile delinquency to depression, sexual hangups,
limited job prospects and lowered earnings (Rosellini 55). Straus goes as far to say that
we should pass a law forbidding spanking (Rosellini 58). He goes even further toward the
extreme to assert that spanking helps foster punitive social attitudes, such as support
for bombing raids to punish countries that support terrorists (Rosellini 58). T. Berry
Brazelton, MD, emeritus professor of pediatrics at Harvard Medical School in Cambridge,
Massachusetts, believes [spanking] says that you believe in using force as a way to
settle disputes...[and that] children should listen to you because you're bigger and
stronger than they are(Hickey 48). Brazelton says spanking is punishment which only
teaches children only suffering and to be afraid (Hickey 48). Spanking generates more
hatred in the child for being humiliated, and for suffering, than a clear understanding
and recollection of why he/she is being punished (Nelson 58). Drs. James P. Comer and
Alvin F. Poussaint said, By being hit by you when you are angry, children learn to hit
others when in turn they are angry (Jet 17).
The AAP suggested that according to researchers, spanking may be the least effective
discipline (Ramsberg 1). When tested with the assumption children would learn a lesson
after being spanked, and need to be spanked less. Nonetheless, the research results
indicated that families who began spanking before one year old are as likely to spank
when the child is four years old (Ramsberg 1). These results affirm that spanked children
are not learning their lesson. Spanking may not be effective because it exemplifies no
other optional behaviors (Ramsberg 1). 
Between the black and white of this issue is a gray area which has found errors in
research and believes spanking should be used only selectively. John Rosemond, family
psychologist, author, speaker, and director for the Center of Affirmative Parenting (CAP)
in North Carolina, caters neither extreme of creating laws against spanking or spare the
rod, spoil the child. Rosemond attacks the claims of sociologist Murry Straus because he
is an often-quoted representative of the antispanking movement. Rosemond believes that
Straus' research does not prove spanking is problematic (Rosemond 21). Straus' research
conclusions are based mostly upon adults who, as teenagers, were spanked (Rosemond 21).
Straus also fails to distinguish between beating and spanking (Rosemond 22), which does
not allow a distinction between child abuse and child discipline. Rosemond believes
Straus is looking for certain results with his research to further support his position,
therefore obscuring results. 
Rosemond feels spanking is appropriate when used appropriately. He believes not to give
numerous threats or warnings or to build up to a spanking...to a child (Rosemond 50). He
thinks it is important to not allow your child's unwanted behavior to grow to the point
of spanking (Rosemond 50). Do not hesitate or warn before spanking, he recommends
(Rosemond50). Rosemond believes one should spank in anger (the very reason you are
spanking), but not in a rage (Rosemond 51-2). He believes it is important to use your
hand, and your hand only because the idea is to communicate, not to cause the child pain
(Rosemond 55). Follow through with a clear, stern message and, if need be, a restrictive
consequence of one sort or another (Rosemond 57). Rosemond brings a rational appeal to
spanking. His approach views spanking as an intimate act of communication, not a savage
form of child abuse
The question of whether to spank or not has been the most controversial child-rearing
issue of the past three decades. Though no end in sight, after analyzing my research of
the extremes of spanking, I conclude in the gray area. John Rosemond proved the most
logical approach to spanking. He has studied both sides of the issues and points out the
inconsistencies of each side. Rosemond supports his point of view with grounds of
disagreement and agreement and fills gaps the gap of the gray area connecting the
opposing sides. 
Bibliography
WORKS CITED
Hickey, Mary C.. To Spank Or Not To Spank. Working-Mother. v. 14 Jan. '91, p. 48-9.
Nelson, Gerald E., Lewak Richard W.. Who's the Boss?: Love, Authority, and Parenting.
Boston: Shambhala Publications, INC.
Ramsberg, Dawn. The Debate Over Spanking. ERIC Digest. Mar. '97.
Rosellini, Lynn. When To Spank. U.S. News and World Report. v. 124 no14 Apr. 13 '98, p.
52-3+.
Rosemond, John. To Spank or Not to Spank. Kansas City: Andrews and McMeel, 1994.
Socolar, Rebecca. Survey Says Some Mothers Still Believe That Spanking Is Good
Discipline, Jet. 30 Jan, '95.