FREE ESSAY ON FAMILY ABUSE

FAMILY ABUSE

ALTHOUGH DOMESTIC VIOLENCE INCLUDES SIBLING ABUSE AND ELDER ABUSE, AND CHILD ABUSE THE 
FOCUS OF MY ESSAY IS ON SPOUSE ABUSE. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HAS MANY NAMES; FAMILY VIOLENCE,

BATTERING, WIFE BEATING, AND DOMESTIC ABUSE. ALL THESE TERMS REFER TO THE SAME THING,
ABUSE BY A MARITAL, COMMON LAW, OR A DATING PARTNER IN AN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP. DOMESTIC
VIOLENCE IS NOT LIMITED TO PHYSICAL BEATINGS. IT IS ANY BEHAVIOUR THAT IS INTENDED TO
SUBJUGATE AND CONTROL ANOTHER HUMAN BEING THROUGH THE USE OF HUMILIATION, FEAR, AND
PHYSICAL OR VERBAL ASSAULTS. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS VERY IMPORTANT ISSUE IN TODAY'S SOCIETY
BECAUSE IT HAS SUCH A PROFOUND NEGATIVE AFFECT ON THE ABUSED, MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY,
AND MORE NEEDS TO BE DONE TO HELP THE ABUSED AND PREVENT IT FROM HAPPENING FURTHER. EVEN
THOUGH DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CAN BE CAUSED BY EITHER THE MALE OR THE FEMALE IT IS USUALLY
CAUSED BY THE MALE DUE TO THEIR CONTROLLING NATURE AND PHYSICAL ADVANTAGE.
HISTORY AND CAUSES
SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME PHYSICAL FORCE HAS BEEN USED TO KEEP SUBORDINATE GROUPS IN THEIR
PLACE BY DOMINANT PEOPLE IN SOCIETY. MEN HAVE ALWAYS BEEN PHYSICALLY LARGER THAN WOMEN
AND SINCE MOST SOCIETIES ARE MALE DOMINATED, TOO NO SURPRISE THE WOMAN HAS ALMOST ALWAYS
BEEN THE MOST COMMON VICTIM. IN ROMAN TIMES, A MAN WAS ALLOWED TO DIVORCE, CHASTISE, OR
EVEN KILL HIS WIFE FOR ADULTERY, ATTENDING PUBLIC GAMES, OR PUBLIC DRUNKENNESS. ALL OF
WHICH THE HUSBAND WAS ALLOWED TO FREELY PARTAKE IN. DURING THE MIDDLE AGES IT WAS MANS
RIGHT TO BEAT HIS WIFE OR KILL HER FOR SO MUCH AS GIVING HER HUSBAND A DIRTY LOOK. THE
FIRST RECORDED ADVOCATES AGAINST DOMESTIC VIOLENCE WERE TWO AUTHOR BY NAMES OF CHRISTIAN
PIZAN AND MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT. EVEN THOUGH THE ISSUE WAS BEING PUBLICIZED, NO ACTION WAS
EVER TAKEN UNTIL THE 1840'S WHEN THE AMERICAN WOMEN'S MOVEMENT BROUGHT UP THE ISSUE WHILE
FIGHTING FOR THE RIGHT TO VOTE. NO STATE IN THE U.S 
ACTUALLY PASSED A LAW MAKING WIFE BEATING ILLEGAL UNTIL 1883. ALTHOUGH LAWS WERE PASSED
TO MAKE IT ILLEGAL, NONE WERE STRICTLY ENFORCED. EVEN UP UNTIL THE 1970'S, WIFE BEATING
WAS STILL FAIRLY ACCEPTABLE. THE POLICE MOST OFTEN WOULD ATTEND CALLS OF DOMESTIC
VIOLENCE BUT WOULD LEAVE THINGS TO BE RESOLVED BY THE FAMILY. THIS EASE AND LACK OF
ENFORCEMENT ALLOWED FOR THE CONTINUATION OF THE ABUSE. THE 70'S BECAME A PERIOD OF
PROTEST AND CHANGE FOR THE WOMEN'S RIGHTS MOVEMENT. BY THE 1980'S MAJOR CHANGES STARTED
TO TAKE PLACE. POLICE NO LONGER IGNORED CALLS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND MORE PEOPLE WERE
BEING CONVICTED AND PUNISHED FOR CRIMES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. THE ACCEPTANCE OF DOMESTIC
VIOLENCE IS STILL SEEN TODAY. IT'S ACCEPTANCE IS REFLECTED IN POPULAR CULTURE THROUGH THE
EXPRESSION RULE OF THUMB WHICH COMES FROM AND OLD ENGLISH RULE THAT A MAN COULD BEAT HIS
WIFE WITH ANY REASONABLE INSTRUMENT AS LONG AS IT WAS NO THICKER THAT HIS THUMB. EVEN IN
TODAY'S SOCIETY DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS STILL VERY COMMON AND MORE NEEDS TO BE DONE TO STOP
IT. FINDING THE REASONS OR CAUSES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS A VERY DIFFICULT. THERE IS
NEVER ONE REASON FOR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE BUT IT USUALLY BEGINS WITH A CONTROLLING NATURE
AND THE NEED THE NEED TO CONTROL ONE'S SPOUSE. IT BEGINS WITH VERBAL INSULTS AND
DEGRADATION THEN OVER TIME ESCALATES INTO PHYSICAL VIOLENCE. THE ABUSER HAS USUALLY BEEN
INVOLVED IN DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CASE'S BEFORE. MORE THAN LIKELY DURING CHILD HOOD. THERE IS
USUALLY MANY DIFFERENT STRESSORS AND FACTORS THAT CAUSE THESE INHERENT OR LEARNED ABUSERS
TO BEGIN THE ABUSE; UNEMPLOYMENT, DRUGS AND ALCOHOL, DIFFERENT RELIGIOUS BACK ROUNDS, LOW
INCOME LEVELS, AND LOWER EDUCATION LEVELS AND SIMPLY DIFFERENT POINTS OF VIEW.. NONE OF
THESE FACTORS ARE NOT MEANT TO BE EXCUSES, THEY ARE SIMPLY FACTORS THAT COME UP IN
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CASES TIME AND TIME AGAIN. TYPES OF ABUSE/PSYCHOLOGY OF DOMESTIC
VIOLENCE WHEN DOMESTIC VIOLENCE OCCURS THERE IS SEVERAL DIFFERENT TYPES OF ABUSE THAT
TAKE PLACE. THE FIRST IS PHYSICAL VIOLENCE. PHYSICAL VIOLENCE INCLUDES SLAPPING, KICKING,
BURNING, PUNCHING, CHOKING, LOCKING A PERSON OUT OF THE HOME, RESTRAINING, AND OTHER ACTS
DESIGNED TO INJURE, ENDANGER, OR CAUSE PHYSICAL PAIN. THE SECOND TYPE IS EMOTIONAL ABUSE
WHICH CONSISTS OF CONSISTENTLY DOING OR SAYING THINGS TO SHAME , INSULT, RIDICULE,
EMBARRASS, DEMEAN, BELITTLE, OR MENTALLY HURT ANOTHER PERSON. THE THIRD TYPE IS SEXUAL
ABUSE. SEXUAL ABUSE IS WHEN SOMEONE IS FORCED TO HAVE SEX WHEN HE/SHE DOES NOT WANT TO.
FORCING SOMEONE TO ENGAGE IN SEXUAL ACTS THAT HE/SHE DOES NOT LIKE OR FINDS UNPLEASANT,
FRIGHTENING, OR VIOLENT. BECAUSE SOME ONE IS MARRIED TO OR HAS BEEN SEEING THEIR PARTNER
FOR A LONG TIME DOES NOT REQUIRE THAT THEIR MUST HAVE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WITH THEM. NO
ONE TYPE OF ABUSE IS WORSE THAN ANOTHER AND THEY ALL HAVE VERY EMOTIONALLY DAMAGING
EFFECTS WHEN IT COMES TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE THE MOST PERPLEXING QUESTION IS WHY ? MOST
PEOPLE IN TODAY'S SOCIETY AGREE THAT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS WRONG AND THINK THAT IT SHOULD
BE STOPPED. WE KNOW THAT IT IS DANGEROUS AND EMOTIONALLY DESTRUCTIVE FOR CHILDREN TO GROW
UP IN A VIOLENT HOME. WE KNOW THAT IT IS VERY EMOTIONALLY DESTRUCTIVE TO THE ABUSED. MOST
SOCIETIES HAVE CONDEMNED IT, WE PRAISE THE EFFORTS TO HELP THE ABUSED AND STOP THE
VIOLENCE BUT WE STILL WONDER WHY IT DOES NOT 
GO AWAY. THE FIRST REASON IS THE CYCLE OF VIOLENCE WHICH CAN BE VERY HARD TO BREAK. FIRST
TENSION BUILDS DUE TO STRESS. THE ABUSER BECOMES CRITICAL, EDGY AND IRRITABLE. THE ABUSER
GRADUALLY BECOMES MORE ABUSIVE AND MORE SEVERE INCIDENTS OF ABUSE START TO OCCUR. BOTH
PARTIES CAN SENSE THE LOSS OF CONTROL WHICH ONLY FUELS THE TENSION. WITH THE SECOND STAGE
OF THE CYCLE COMES THE VIOLENT OUTBURSTS WITH ACUTE BATTERING. THE ABUSER WILL FLY OFF
INTO A RAGE FOR NO APPARENT REASON AND THERE IS TOTAL LOSS OF CONTROL. THE THIRD STAGE
COMES AFTER THE VIOLENCE HAS STOPPED. THE ABUSER BECOMES REMORSEFUL AND APOLOGETIC. THEY
OFTEN BEG FOR FORGIVENESS AND SWEAR IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. THEY GO OUT OF THEIR WAY
TO BE KIND AND LOVING AND THEY SWEAR THAT THEY WILL CHANGE. THIS PHASE EXPLAINS WHY THE
ABUSED COMES BACK AND LETS THE ABUSE CYCLE BEGIN AGAIN.THE ABUSED WANTS TO BELIEVE THE
ABUSER AND WANTS TO TRY AND MAKE THINGS WORK. THEY ARE OFTEN RELUCTANT TO LEAVE THE
ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE OF A FEELING OF DEPENDANCY. THE SECOND REASON WHY THIS
PROBLEM DOES NOT GO AWAY IS THE ABUSED PERSON'S DEPENDANCY ON THEIR PARTNER AND THEIR
LEARNED HELPLESSNESS. LEARNED HELPLESSNESS IS A PSYCHOLOGICAL TERM FIRST IDENTIFIED BY 
PSYCHOLOGIST MARTIN SELIGMAN. PEOPLE WHO ARE ABUSED TEND TO TEND TO THINK THAT THERE IS
NO WAY OUT BECAUSE THEY ARE SO DEPENDANT ON THEIR PARTNER. THEY CONTINUE TO PUT UP WITH
THE ABUSE AND LEARN WAYS OF DEALING TO COPE WITH IT. THE THIRD REASON WHY THIS PROBLEM
DOES NOT GO AWAY IS BECAUSE OF THE HISTORY OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. IT HAS BEEN ACTED OUT
FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS SO THERE IS STILL THAT ACCEPTANCE AND VIEW THAT IT IS NOT A MAJOR
PROBLEM. SO WHAT MAKES AN ABUSER ? ABUSERS USUALLY SHARE COMMON TRAITS, BACK ROUND
FACTORS, AND BEHAVIOUR PATTERNS. IT HAS BEEN COMPLETELY AGREED UPON THAT THE GOAL OF THE
ABUSER IS POWER AND CONTROL OVER THEIR PARTNER. THESE SAME PEOPLE USUALLY DEPEND ON THEIR
PARTNER FOR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SINCE THEY ARE LACKING IN EMOTIONAL SKILLS. THE ABUSER ALSO
TEND TO CONFORM THE STEREO TYPICAL VIEW OF THE MAN AND THE WOMEN. THE MAN GOES OUT AND
MAKES THE MONEY TO SUPPORT THE FAMILY WHILE WOMEN STAYS HOME TO COOK, CLEAN, AND LOOK
AFTER THE KIDS. THESE PEOPLE OFTEN HAVE TROUBLE ACCEPTING RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR
BEHAVIOUR ABUSIVE AND OTHERWISE. THEY USUALLY FEEL GUILT OR SHAME FOR THEIR ACTIONS BUT
THEY TRY TO JUSTIFY OR DENY THEIR BEHAVIOUR. IT HAS BEEN FOUND THAT MANY ABUSERS SHARE
THE SAME PERSONALITY DISORDERS SUCH AS LACK OF EMPATHY, DEPRESSION, GENERAL HOSTILITY,
AND FEELING OF VICTIMIZATION. THEY TEND TO LACK SOCIAL SKILLS AND THEY ENVELOPE
THEMSELVES WITH THEIR WORK AND THEIR FAMILY. THEY TEND TO INTERPRET INNOCENT SITUATIONS
THAT AROUSE THEIR JEALOUSY AS HAVING BEEN DONE WITH HOSTILE INTENT. THOSE WHO ABUSE ADULT
PARTNERS OFTEN GREW UP IN HOMES MARRED BY VIOLENCE BETWEEN ADULTS, AGAINST CHILDREN, OR
BOTH. HOWEVER, IT IS IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER THAT GROWING UP IN A VIOLENT HOME DOES NOT
GUARANTEE THAT A PERSON WILL BECOME ABUSIVE. I THINK THAT IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO
UNDERSTAND AND RECOGNIZE PEOPLE WITH ABUSIVE PERSONALITIES SO THAT THEY CAN BE STOPPED
AND TREATED FOR WHAT SOME WOULD CALL A DISEASE.
PREVENTION
MANY PSYCHOLOGISTS BELIEVE THAT TEACHING OUR CHILDREN THAT VIOLENCE IS INAPPROPRIATE AND

TEACHING THEM BETTER METHODS OF PROBLEM SOLVING, IS THE FIRST STEP IN ENDING DOMESTIC
VIOLENCE. ONE OF THE KEY COMPONENTS TO MAKING THE TEACHING OF OUR CHILDREN WORK IS
LEADING BY EXAMPLE BY EXAMPLE AND SETTING A POSITIVE EXAMPLE. EDUCATING SOCIETY AS A
WHOLE ALSO A VERY IMPORTANT KEY TO ENDING DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. EDUCATING SOCIETY AS A WHOLE
IS ACCOMPLISHED THROUGH CHANGES IN PUBLIC POLICY AND PRACTICES. MUCH TOUGHER LAWS ARE
NEEDED SINCE MOST ABUSERS ARE GIVEN A SLAP ON THE WRIST, IT GIVES THEM AND OTHER PEOPLE
LIKE THEM, THE MESSAGE THAT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS NOT A MAJOR CRIME AND THEY CAN GET AWAY
WITH IT. WHEN COMMUNITIES ESTABLISH MANDATORY ARREST AND PROSECUTION POLICIES, A MESSAGE
IS SENT FROM THE POLICE AND THE COURTS THAT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS A CRIME THAT SOCIETY
WILL NOT TOLERATE. WHEN THEY JOIN WITH COUNSELING PROGRAMS FOR ABUSERS, THE 
MESSAGE WILL ALSO BE THAT THOSE WHO WANT TO CHANGE WILL BE GIVEN A CHANCE. IT HAS BEEN
AGREED UPON BY ALL THOSE TRYING TO END DOMESTIC VIOLENCE THAT NOT ONLY THE INDIVIDUAL 
ABUSERS, BUT SOCIETY ITSELF NEEDS HELP. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS STILL SUBTLY ALLOWED, EVEN
ENCOURAGED SOME SAY, BY VARIOUS GROUPS. OUR MEDIA AND ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY STILL
GLAMORIZES AND TONES DOWN THE SERIOUSNESS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. THERE ARE STILL POLICE
THAT IGNORE AND TRIVIALIZE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. AND JUDGES THAT GIVE WEAK PUNISHMENT OR
SIMPLY LET THE ABUSERS OFF ARE ALL PROBLEMS THAT ARE PLAGUING OUR SOCIETY AND MAKING IT
MORE DIFFICULT TO END DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. I THINK THAT WE ARE ON THE RIGHT TRACK TO ENDING
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE BUT OUR EFFORT IS JUST NOT STRONG ENOUGH. OUR MESSAGE THAT DOMESTIC
VIOLENCE IS A CRIME IS NOT STRONG ENOUGH EITHER. WHAT ARE THESE ABUSIVE PEOPLE SUPPOSED
TO THINK WHEN THEY ARE ARRESTED, GIVEN A SLAP ON THE WRIST, AND THEN RELEASED THE NEXT
DAY. MY RESEARCH HAS OPENED MY EYES AND MADE ME AWARE OF WHAT IS GOING ON AND WHAT NEEDS
TO BE DONE. IN THE FUTURE I WILL DO WHAT IS IN MY POWER TO HELP GET THE MESSAGE ACROSS
AND PREVENT IT IF POSSIBLE.